Everything happens for a reason.

Not a big fan of that expression. It always makes me wonder, why pray then? You can't just go around spouting off phrases like "God has a plan for your life" or "it'll all make sense one day" and then expect me to think that praying for someone is effective. I'm not trying to be overly simplistic, but really - how does this make any sense? If whether or not someone will make it through surgery because of God's will, then why in the world should we pray for that person? If we all huddle up together in the waiting room for a prayer vigil and he/she pulls through, is it because God said, "Oh, okay! Since all of you prayed so diligently I guess I'll change my mind and let 'em live a little longer! You TALKED me into it!" Doesn't that seem a bit egotistical of us?

What if there were no team huddle? What's the verdict then? You die because you don't have a support system?

Some say we are too meager a creature to think we can understand God's ways. We're not supposed to ask why but rather go with the flow because it's all part of THE PLAN. But God gave me a brain and the ability to question and reason. And quite frankly, knowing everything that's going to happen before it happens seems rather mundane for God. If it's all laid out beforehand, why does He bother?

So I have little conversations with myself trying to be convinced that I should still pray for people. Reasons like, "it can't hurt" or "what if I don't?" might keep me truckin' along but only add to the confusion. I feel it makes the most sense to simply pray for repentance and thanksgiving. It seems the most humbling.

I'm nowhere near making a dent in this subject. Ambiguity drives me nuts.

Origin

My typical drive to school every morning: I listen to Air 1 for a little inspiration or positive nuggets before spending my day with 60 third graders. I don't go to church anymore, so this is how I throw some religion into my life. Then I turn off the radio and say a quick prayer for the day. And pretty much every day, my prayer gets off track because I start questioning instead of repenting. My conversation ends up with, "Seriously, God - that just doesn't make sense." And thus the reason for the blog. I figured I'd get my thoughts recorded somewhere, and perhaps it'll help me in my quest for some answers.

What this won't be is a churchy, preachy, biblically sound, well-researched blog. I'm just trying to figure things out. I really do want to have some semblance of a relationship with God, but He doesn't make it easy. And I find that really annoying. This will probably sum up my meeting at the pearly gates: